Warm introductions, and how to ask for one

Asking someone to introduce you is asking them to spend social capital they built up over years. Most requests ignore this completely.

The good news is that a well formed ask is easy to say yes to, and the format is standard enough that people recognise it.

Make it forwardable

Write the message they will forward, so your contact composes nothing themselves. This one change does more than any other.

Would you be up for introducing me to Priya? Here is something you can forward, edit however you like: "Priya, this is Tom. He runs founder dinners in London and is working out how to get the right forty people rather than any forty people. You two should talk because you solved exactly this at Foundry. Tom, Priya ran the community side there for three years."

Now the ask costs eleven seconds instead of ten minutes of drafting. The yes rate roughly doubles.

Give them a way out

Always include an explicit exit:

No obligation at all, and please just ignore this if it is not an easy one.

This sounds like it reduces your chances. It does the opposite: it removes the awkwardness that makes people leave the message unanswered rather than decline it.

Say why them, and why now

Two sentences on why this specific person, and why this month. Introductions requested without a reason feel like list building, and people can smell list building.

If your reason is that they seemed useful and you are collecting meetings, do not make the ask. It is visible.

The double opt in

Best practice, and worth insisting on even when it slows you down: your contact asks the other person first, before any addresses are shared.

This protects the introducer, because a forced introduction costs them with the person they actually know well. If someone introduces you without checking, notice that they are more generous than careful, and treat that access accordingly.

Then close the loop

Two things, both frequently skipped:

• Reply within a day when the introduction lands, and move the introducer to bcc on your first response so they are released from the thread.
• Tell them what happened, two weeks later, even if it was nothing. One line. This is what makes somebody willing to do it again, and most people never send it.

When to give one

The same rules in reverse. Ask the other side first, forward the paragraph, and only make introductions you would make if both people could see the message. If you would phrase it differently to each of them, do not make it.