What to do when you know nobody in the room

Walking into a room of strangers is unpleasant for most people, including the ones who look like they are enjoying it. The trick is not confidence. It is having a procedure, so you are executing rather than deciding.

Arrive early

Counterintuitive, and it does more than anything else on this list. At 18:35 there are nine people and no groups, so talking to someone is simply talking to someone. At 19:30 there are eighty people in closed circles and joining one requires an act of courage.

Arriving early also means you meet the host while they are still free, and that is the conversation worth having.

Go to the edges, not the middle

The middle of a room is full of established groups. The edges have people standing alone doing exactly what you are doing: the drinks table, the coat area, the person looking at their phone slightly too intently.

Those people are relieved to be spoken to. The confident-looking cluster in the centre is not.

Two openers that work

Forget clever. Use the situation:

• "How do you know [the host]?" Universally available, and the answer is always a story.
• "Have you been to one of these before?" Lets them position themselves, and either answer gives you somewhere to go.

Neither is memorable. Neither needs to be. They are doors, not destinations.

Joining a group of three

Stand at the edge of the circle, not behind someone. Listen for thirty seconds without trying to contribute. Most groups will open physically to include you within a minute, because that is a reflex.

If they do not, leave without embarrassment and try another. It is not a rejection, they were mid-sentence.

Leaving a conversation

The part people dread more than starting one. Say the true thing, warmly:

I am going to get another drink, it was good to meet you.

Nobody has ever been offended by this. Staying trapped in a conversation for forty minutes because you cannot exit is what ruins evenings.

Set a small target

Three real conversations, then you are allowed to go home. Three is achievable, and it stops you measuring the night against the whole room.

Two good conversations and an early exit beats four hours of hovering, every time.